3 in 1 day

I know right?

So blogging has made me a better person. How, you ask? For 1 I used to be kind of shy. I know it doesn't seem that way because I'm willing to bare all my secrets to total strangers on a world wide format. But that's exactly what has made the difference for me.

I have had the most fun leading worship for a group of ladies with first baptist of new orleans. And usually at events like this I become somewhat of a wallflower because I haven't made the connections they have with people in the room. So I find ways to mess around with my guitar or the sound system or I pull away to a reclusive spot so I can "practice", which really means I just want to be alone because I don't know any body.

But this is the first time that I have led worship for a retreat with people I didn't know since I started blogging. Sometimes I still don't know where to go after the initial hi my name is.... but it's getting easier.

Oh and as soon as they hear that I have 2 children adopted from russia all bets are off that anyone else is going to get a word in edgewise. I just spent the last 2 hours on the beach at a bonfire talking about myself. And I was aware that I was talking about myself to complete strangers. I kept apologizing. I kept trying to give them opportunities to speak about themselves. But they kept asking more questions.

I felt selfish taking all the time but at the end of the evening I walked across the highway with these new friends and felt so closely connected to them as we had shared all of our stories... mine most of all.

The first discussion questions of bible study earlier that evening has been very transparent and required a high level of vulnerability from group members. No 1 wanted to go first so I said, " shoot. I'll do it. I blog. Everybody already knows everything about me anyway. I just told the whole world how much I weigh."

And that is what makes me a good person. That and the love of Jesus.

By the way, I used the talk to text feature on my phone to write this blog because I don't have my computer with me. And that last sentence had me saying something about having 11 jesus-es. This app is not calibrated for a southern accent. I sound a little bit like stephen hawking trying to write this blog post.

So as you go to bed tonight, pray for me, for this retreat, for the women who are not getting a chance to share about themselves because now I don't know how to shut up, and pray for stephen hawking because I'm sure he could use it.

I want to remember this!

Someone wrote this over at Stuff Christians Like as a serious reply to a HILARIOUS!!! post about clapping after people sing in church.  You should definitely go read the funny post.  But I want this response in my memory banks to pull out as a worship leader when people have the "Should we/Should we not applaud?"

Thank you anonymous person.

I tried to "like" your comment about 60 times.  But I could only do it once.  Consider me clicking the "Like" button my applause for your comment.

This whole issue of, "It's worship, not a performance," is a false dichotomy. Worship music is a performance: It's a performance to the Lord. Both the musicians, and the people in the pews, are performing. And when we approve of how well the musicians do, both in playing their instruments and in leading the rest of us, there's nothing wrong with showing gratitude by clapping. Since when is gratitude non-Christian?

Sometimes worship music is entertaining. Shouldn't it be? Is God a sadist, who will only be pleased if our worship is something that we don't enjoy? Isn't joy a fruit of the Spirit, and our joy in worship supposed to be a facet of worship? Shouldn't our normal reaction to it be, "I love this"? Followed by clapping?

Yeah, there's a real issue when it becomes me-focused instead of God-focused. But the solution to that problem is not to reject certain forms of worship on the grounds that theymight be self-focused, or that they look to us like they're self-focused. It's to have worship leaders who know who they're performing for, and obviously keep the focus on him alone.

Setting Goals

This is a repeat of a blog that I wrote over at MyFitnessPal.

Just reflecting on my newest set of little footsteps I need to take.

I know.  It's not a catchy title.  But it works.

 I remember being about ten years old (and 145 or so pounds at the time) and seeing a LARGE woman at the old Delchamps grocery store.  I don't know how much she weighed.  But I remember thinking to myself: I don't want to be THAT fat when I grow up.  I knew I was bigger than other girls my age, but I was also taller.  Big-boned, they called me.

 My mom battled her weight my whole life - except for all the times that she gave up and ate herself into oblivion with depression.  She was a pastor's wife, a job that brings a ridiculous amount of stress along with it - yours and every other family's in the church.  She taught me stress eating.  She taught me that food is comfort.  She taught me that it's okay to eat a bag of microwave popcorn because you "need something salty" only to chase it with a pan of brownies because you "need something sweet, now!"

 And somewhere along the way, I became the fat woman from the grocery store.  First goal = Epic Fail.

 I haven't really beat myself up over this.  I have let other people do it, but I always thought I looked pretty good.  I think I have a pretty face.  I'm tall and muscular.  My dad's older sisters and I have a lot in common as far as our looks, personalities, and overall health are concerned.  All I have had to complain about is bad knees.  And narrow hips, which makes buying pants an issue.  Big in the waist means baggy in the butt.  And big in the chest means sloppy in the shoulders and armpits for shirts.

Well, 25 years and a few hundred fad diets later, I was tipping the scales at 281.  I'll save you the sob story about fertility treatment since all this extra weight was affecting me getting pregnant - according to my doctors and everything I read on PCOS.  My mom, not surprisingly, probably had the same issues.  But in those days, you didn't talk about it.  This explains why my brothers and I are so far spread out.  They are 17 and 7 years older than I, and my parents *never* used any sort of birth control.  [BTW, if you know my mom....Puh-LEEEZE don't mention this to her.  She didn't even use the word "pregnant."  She always said "expecting".  I said - What?  Like a pizza?]

I started with weight watchers, which lost me about 27 pounds.  Then something wonderful happened.  My husband and I got an adoption referral and spent four weeks between November and December of 2010 in Russia meeting and applying for the adoption of our two sweethearts. I've only gained back 7 of those lost pounds over the last year with them at home - mostly just over the Christmas break.  But then I found MFP.

Holy App Store, batman.  What a find!  

 It hasn't realigned the stars or anything.  But I can track so much easier.  And I'm already seeing results.  In 17 DAYS, y'all, I have lost 10.2 pounds.  I'm lighter than I've been since Hurricanes Katrina and Rita in 2005. (That means I'm at 251.2 now.)

When I entered in my weight this morning, MFP reset my calorie goals to match my weightloss,   

Hmm. There it is again.  Goals.

Well, I didn't set 10 pounds as a goal.  My first goal is to be under 250.  I wanted to be all excited to go to the doctor and watch the nurse have to  move that big 50# weight back a notch from 250.  Like a first down in football, I woke up this morning screaming "MOVE THOSE CHAINS, REF!"  

[Of course, now it's going to be kind of anticlimactic at the doctor's since they've changed to a digital scale.]

So since that goal is all like so happening on Monday, come heck or high water, what's the next one?  I've been working on this one since January of 2010.

Here's the next one:

Size 18.  Top and bottom.  A misses 18.  Not an 18W.  Why they use the same numbers for something that is No Where Close to the same size is beyond me.  It's aggravating.  It makes shopping online a JOKE to those inbetween Plus and Misses shoppers.  I'm still a plus shopper.  But I'm hoping to be out of that department REAL soon.

And when I'm that size, I'm ordering a silk halter dress from Zulili to wear this summer to the beach at a family reunion.

 Just like everything else in my life, I will take little footsteps and get there eventually.

First down and Goal!

Our girls

They're 29 months old today.  I made the comment that next month, they'll hit 30 for the first time.

In the last month, we've already marched into new developmental territory - spiritual development.  Things that we've said and done, and more that they've picked up at church, have begun to make an impression.  Addie reminds us to pray at supper time.  We pray at bedtime.  We pray when we see the moon.  We prayed last week when they saw a rainbow for the first time.  I spotted it first, then daddy.  Then we heard a gasp, followed by "WHOA!" from the backseat.  We talked about what a rainbow was, and then we thanked God for it.  In Addie's words: "Dee Gaa, Tan Too Pitty Bainbow."  Anna clasped her hands together and squinted this little funny face, and offered a stout "AMEN!"

Don't that just melt your heart!

In all this spiritual growth that my children are doing, I have come to a realization: Children are mirrors of our habits and souls.  If I want my children to be lovers of God, prayer warriors, with thankful hearts, then that's what I need to model for them.  Deuteronomy 6 says as much.  We are to talk about God and the gospel when they lie down, when they get up, when we eat, when we're driving in the car together.  And it's actually easier if you make "GOD-SPEAK" your family norm, rather than compartmentalizing into a 15 minute devotional every few days.

When we got married, I wanted us to do family devotionals.  But it didn't fit our personalities.  We were private in depth Bible students.  But we spoke Gospel to each other all the time.  When we got the girls, I thought we would surely start the family devotionals then.  And we did for a while.  It was sweet, but we had family in the house with us helping with the new transition, and it just didn't always happen.  We were still working on meals, because they weren't self-feeding yet.  That was a totally new experience.  So mealtime prayers didn't happen all the time either.  But because of our lifestyle of full time ministry and because of our convictions, we spoke Gospel to each other at home.  Now that they are old enough to contribute, though, we are building the family devotional time back in.  But they are coming in with some knowledge picked up from Sunday school and discipleship training at church.

This is how last night's devotion looked: We all sat on the couch.  Joe held Anna with her blanket and bottle.  Addie sat next to me.  I read the story of Hannah and Samuel.  Then we looked at pictures of people praying.  When it was time to pray, I said, "Everybody grab hands."

We just went down the couch in a chain.  But Anna started saying, "Addie - hand.  Addie - hand."

"Do you want to hold Addie's hand?"  I asked.  "Yes."  So I picked Addie up and put her in my lap, and we all put our hands in the middle, a la football huddle, and took turns praying.

So blessed.

I thought we could get them to sleep right after that.  But Addie wanted to look at pictures in the Bible for a little while longer.  I had put it on the arm of the couch when we prayed.  So she jumped off of me onto her own cushion, crawled over to get the book, and sat down and announced,

"OK, BIBLE...[as if to say: it's on!]" Girl after my own heart.

I repeat - So Blessed!

So, good news...

I saw a dog today.  Have you seen a dog?  I bet you have.  Why is your coat so big?

...Woops.  Slipped into "Elf-isms".  Like I've mentioned earlier, we speak in movie quotes around our house.

Anyways, I do have good news.  I'm really excited that my song "Son of God" got a little more national airplay during the Christmas season, I just discovered.  Here's the thing, though.  It's not just a Christmas song.  It IS a sweet baby Jesus song, but the chorus gets to Easter.  So call your local Christian radio station and request it.  I put on my 20x40 list that I'd really like to record again.  It would be GREAT if it was at someone else's expense.  So let's get together and see if we can make that happen.  I want to record songs I have written with and for our youth group so they can sell the CDs as a fundraiser for their summer mission trip.  We've kicked around that idea for the last two years.

The other good news is it is winter and spring retreat season, and I have two events coming up.  And that's always fun and growth inducing.  I'm thankful for a chance to share and to be shared with.  People open up so much more away from home and responsibilities.  I can't wait to see how my own life is touched through these events.

Lastly, I have a new link for you to check out.  Jen Hatmaker is all up in my head, apparently, seeing as how we have both adopted two children in the past year, both hit a wall about Christmas complacency, and both reached a level of disgust with our own locust-like tendency to consume.  So here's the link to her thought-provoking experience....expose', really....of what her family went through as they systematically tried to downsize their lifestyle to get to a place where nothing was getting in the way of their obedience to God.

Read, think, reply.

Happy New Year!

New starts everywhere!

My children have decided they want to potty train.

I started weight-watchers again....but the free version.  Try the Food and Fitness logger on WebMD.  Same EXACT program.  Except even better.

And the biggie: The IRS check finally came.

And I am so glad it didn't come before Christmas.  My kids got an overwhelming amount of stuff from friends and family who were happy to celebrate their first holiday with us.  Everyone wanted to get them something.

By the way, you've been warned.  We are amassing a small pillow pets army.  Prepare to be invaded.

I'm glad we didn't have the money to spend a ton on them, because we would have.  We would have bought in full-tilt to the marketing genius that is "Black Friday".  Instead, the Lord put us through a spiritual and financial gastric bypass, or as I call it "Forced Behavior Modification".

So, now that the money is in, has it or will it change our penny pinching ways any time soon?

NOT BLOODY LIKELY!

In fact, I'm still thinking about selling my car and driving a loaner from the in-laws for a couple of years.  And I brought ramen noodles in my lunch today.  And I still may put the old TV and a couple of pieces of furniture and our old PS2 and all its games on Craig's list.  I have been so confronted with my materialistic ways through all of this.  And I'm so thankful for the changes to my heart and lifestyle.  I can get by coloring my own hair and giving myself pedis at home.  It's not perfect.  But in my mind, I replay the last scene of "Schindler's List" where he looks at his ring and his car and wonders why he didn't give those away and free a few more prisoners.

Two years ago, I read the book "Radical" by a seminary friend, David Platt.  His big challenge was to live one year at a sacrificial level so you could invest in something of greater Kingdom significance.  I didn't really buy into it at the time because we were already investing in the adoption with all our resources, fiscal and otherwise.  Now, four days into the new year, I want that kind of lifestyle.  I've been talking to a friend who is ready to give up everything and go native in an international mission field.  I'm right there with her, from a North American perspective.  In fact, after going through Christmas with people's expectations that we were buying out every toy store in a 300 mile radius, and giving in to the "Santa" conspiracy, I think it will be harder to live for an extended period of time as a poor missionary in our home country than in one where everyone is living at that level with you.

Plus, every time people talk about shopping and spending and new this-and-that's, and you pour a bucket of ice-water on the conversation, they may start to get offended at how often you "Jesus-Juke" them.

We have an adequate amount to begin crawling out of the hole that started with travel expenses for three trips to Russia and paying back two adoption loans and has grown to include four months of daycare (we opened a new line of credit for these) and Anna's medical expenses (right now, totaling about $6000).  It's a REALLY big hole.

Thankful for a REALLY BIG GOD, and new beginnings.