Our First Christmas Together.

I'm not counting last year...because I don't remember much.  This was the day that I got the stomach virus to end all viruses.  I actually held my breath a little this year waiting to see if I would start throwing up again.  But no.

So, what have we learned in a year of parenting?  I knew a lot about child care and behavior management and discipline....IN THEORY....because I've been a teacher for seven years.  I didn't learn a whole lot of new stuff about child development, but it has been fun and rewarding to actually get to watch it happening as they have picked up language, self-help skills, and motor skills.  They went from learning how to follow simple directions to learning how to rebel against those directions.  That happened faster and with more furor than I had hoped.  I thought maybe with our learning curve we could bypass the terrible twos.  But now, five months into them, we are in full terror mode.  On the one hand, we have the whining of a determined little one who really wants to be able to do the bad things she sees her sister doing.  Then we have the other one doing them.  I am SO thankful that there are at least some limitations from having to pull both of them down from the ceiling fans, not that we LET them DO that.

But mostly, in the words of "Morris the Moose",  I learned, "There are a lot of things I didn't know....that I didn't know" about myself as a parent.

Here they are, in no particular order:

• I'm a better parent working than staying at home.
• I feel guilty about that fact.
• I have a real problem with expectations.
• I like one daughter better than the other - but they are both my favorites.  It just changes from day to day depending on who woke me up first.
• I miss sleep.
• I have a real problem with ignorant strangers who act like it's sad that we had to adopt to have children.
• I really am glad that I didn't have a natural child after all.  Let me explain this one:  

There was a brief whisper of a thought in a book I skimmed about adopting and attachment that mentioned a kind of adoption post-partum.  I definitely experienced this.  The first and third bullets really give some insight as to why.  I don't know when it started.  But at some point during the first several weeks of not getting to sleep through the night, coupled with some events of Addie rough-housing and not letting me pick her up after she got hurt, I had a moment where she sat on our bed crying from a booboo scare, pitching and rolling to get away from me, I fell apart on the bed next to her begging for her to let me pick her up.  I told her that I needed it, whether she did or not.  The depth of that need was so great that I knew if I were to give birth to a child at any point in this first year...or maybe the next two or three afterwards...I would feel guilty for every way and time that I didn't FEEL loving toward Addie or Anna.

In addition to what I've learned about me, I have also learned a lot about God during this year.  The spiritual applications of God as parent were so OBVIOUS at times that I rolled my eyes at myself every time I thought I needed to blog about it, hence the really big gaps in my blogging timeline.

Here are a few of those.  This list is longer, so I may just post a couple as they come to me and fill in later.

• Everything 1 Corinthians 13 says about love may be kind of true in the context of marriage, since it is one of the favorite scripture readings at weddings, but it is particularly true of parenting.  And knowing that, I am really thankful that it is true of God's love for me.  He keeps no record of wrongs.  His love can bear all things.  His love is patient, kind, pursuing us until we run into His arms with abandon.  [This is one of my favorite things about Addie.  From the day on the bed months ago, we have grown into a daily routine of her screaming "MOMMY!!!!" at the top of her lungs and making a mad dash for my open arms when I pick her up at preschool or come home from work.]
• Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart (Ps. 34:7) is not a prescription for material blessing.  It's not an incantation like people have misused the Prayer of Jabez.  Rather, it is a statement of the obvious, set in the context of the Old Testament covenant, which I have come to understand as more of a simultaneous event than an If/Then.  Right now - delight yourself in the Lord.  Period.  Whether you get anything personal out of it or not.  But just so you know God is faithful in keeping His promises, for the sake of His holiness, He will give you the desires of your heart.  -  Parenting has taught me that I will give good gifts to my children, even when they don't deserve them, if I know it is going to make them healthy and wise, and if it strengthens their dependence on me as a parent.  In fact, when have my children ever done anything to deserve what I've given them?  Their babies.  They can't earn anything.  They don't own anything.  I don't need them to, even if they could.  I just want them to delight in me.  I want them to accept me giving them the desires of their hearts.

Yeah, I was right....There is a lot more to say about this, but it will have to wait.  I have two girls waking up from a nap right now.

S'Novium Godom  {Happy New Year in Russian}

20 by 40

I need a storage building off the end of my driveway of about those dimensions to house all the baby and toddler toys and sippy cups that are taking over my house!

But I digress.  I got the idea from a friend of a friend's blog (Of course, her list and age are smaller).  Here are 20 things I want to do before I'm forty years old.  Call it a mid-life bucket list.

1. Become debt free except for my house.
2. Adopt again.  The less debt, the more children.
3. Run in a 5 K.
4. Run in a 10 K.
5. Run a half - mara....HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Sorry - I couldn't keep a straight face.
6. Go to Hawaii.
7. Record another CD.
8. Learn to play the violin.
9. Drive a convertible....not necessarily own, but maybe rent one for a whole week in the late spring, and drive it until my hairline recedes!
10. Get curtains and blinds for our house.
11. Get my flowerbed to grow, uh, I don't know....FLOWERS?!
12. Take another oil painting class.
13. Take a cake decorating class.
14. Take a photography class.
15. Buy Photoshop.
16. Learn how to operate Photoshop.
17. Still working on #16.
18. Go back to blonde hair.
19. Go to Italy.
20. Manage a blog that makes money and become independently wealthy.


I can think of a lot of things...but not things that can realistically all be done in a year.  Because I am a number nerd, I know I have to do 5 items off the list each year to get it all done, and right now, I am working on how and which ones could and couldn't happen in the same year.  Like, we could rent the convertible while on vacation in either Italy or Hawaii.  I would want to have already run all those races and be in peak physical condition with my blond-headed self before the Hawaii trip, and I would already need to be proficient in photography so I could capture the whole event.  And we will need to do this before the next adoption, because I don't want to leave little brother at home after we have just gotten him....

And that is how my brain works!  Pity me.

Better yet, pity my husband!

This is a Total Ripoff!

Meaning - I literally copied and pasted the following.  Some people will never follow links to other sites when they are shared and suggested.  So I went ahead and "commandC"'d them to bring them over to my page.  These works are not my own.  They are the work of Jared Wilson....whom I don't know, but whose blog I have been following for the last few months on the topic of Gospel-centrality in our lives and in the church.  I had no idea how idolatrous my life was and how a million little good things take the place of what should be the best thing in my life - which is Jesus, and the fact that He died for me, redeemed me, set me apart to serve Him, and gave me faith to trust Him.

For instance....how does the gospel effect my family life, my marriage.  Below are two posts from Jared's page on this very topic.  I will hyper-link the titles if you want to read them over at his site.  Please mull this over during the holiday season, where we will all be spending more time with our families.  Let the gospel sweeten our relationships with those closest to us, like water into sweet wine.  You know, the more I think about it, the more sense it makes that this was the first of Jesus' miracles.  What a clear picture of the gospel: Total change and sweet fellowship.


Five Ways Wives Can Encourage Their Husbands
An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
-- Proverbs 31:10-12

1. Praise Him Verbally
Private nagging and public nitpicking are common temptations for wives of husbands who are sinners, by which I mean wives, but a wife ought to know that this is Chinese water torture on his heart. Most men carry around in their souls the question "Do I have what it takes?" The gospel answers this question, "No, but Jesus does, and what's his is yours." This is the only acceptable way to answer in the "negative." When you nitpick and nag, you give mouthpiece to the accuser who wants your husband to know not only does he not have what it takes, he is worthless because of it. So find ways to constructively criticize and help him repent, but more than that, tell him what you like about him, how you find him attractive or admirable, how you respect him or are impressed by him. Outdo him in showing honor (Rom. 12:10).

2. Submit to His Leadership
This is not a call to be a doormat, but in my pastoral experience I encounter many a wife who says she wants her husband to lead her but then makes it clear in some way that this will only occur when she agrees with his decision. There are few things more demoralizing than a demand to lead with no commitment to follow. Instead, if your husband is not leading you into sin, your followship of your husband is a reflection of your trust in God. Peter writes:

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. (1 Peter 3:5-6)

3. Reject Relational Legalism
If your husband always feels as though he is only in your good graces when he has performed to your standards or met your expectations, he will not see you as his lover, friend, or partner, but as his boss. Do you know how deeply you want to feel approved of despite your flaws, sins, and failures, that your husband would know the real you and love that you? He wants the same thing, even if he never expresses it.

4. Take an Interest
It's not always that your husband doesn't like to talk. It's just that perhaps he's learned that your favorite subjects are things he doesn't have much to say about. Communicating with you in ways that edify and engage you is his command to obey with joy; communicating with him in ways that edify and engage him is yours. This might mean asking him questions about sports or hobbies or movies or power tools. Or maybe it doesn't mean talking but sitting on the couch to watch the game with him or invading his "man cave"* with your presence but not your agenda.

5. Make Love to Him
This is not universally true, but it is generally true: The number one way a husband feels encouraged is when his wife has sex with him. I put it last because it's likely the touchiest point (no pun intended), but it is (again, generally speaking) top of the list. If you're thinking, "Well, for some husbands maybe, but not mine," ask him. For most men, sexual intimacy is directly wired to feelings of encouragement, confidence, approval, attractiveness, and self-esteem. The things that you likely need in order to feel open to sexual intimacy are the things he typically feels afterwards -- closeness, respect, approval. I know it's weird that God set it up that way, but I think he did so that we would serve each other graciously with our bodies, learning to put each other first in a neat little "No, after you" kind of dance. In any event, one of the chief ways -- if not the chief way -- you can build up your husband is by bedding down with him. 

Carolyn Mahaney's chapter "Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God: What Every Christian Wife Needs to Know" in the Piper/Taylor book Sex and the Supremacy of Christ is excellent on this subject. You can download the entire book for free here.




Five Ways Husbands Can Sanctify Their Wives

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
-- Ephesians 5:25-27

1. Put Her First
Sacrifice is in view here, as is the understanding of "sanctify" in the sense of "setting apart for special use," as in consecration. Husbands honor their wives not among others, but before and above others.

2. "Gospel" Her
Yes, I know it's not a verb, but you get my meaning here. The passage says Jesus sanctifies the church by "washing" her with the water of the word. The understanding of "sanctify" as "cleanse" is in view here, and a husband who wants to sanctify his wife will share with her the word of God, speak to her the word of God, remind her who she is in Christ, forgive her sins, give her the opportunity to forgive his in word-driven repentance, and in general make sure she is gently, lovingly covered in the Scriptures.

3. Protect Her
Husbands will present their wives in some way to the Lord when that roll is called up yonder as an evidence of their own faithfulness to him. Do we want to be proven true children of God, full of faith in Jesus and his gospel? Then we will show the fruit of faithful husbanding, which is a wife "without spot or wrinkle or any such thing." No, we cannot sanctify our wives the way the Spirit does, and no, neither our salvation nor our wife's salvation is contingent upon our perfect husbanding (thank God!), but manhood is responsibility-taking, and this means taking the responsibility to shield our wives from sin and its temptations, accusations, attacks, unnecessary burdens, hurtful expectations and assumptions, and the like. This can mean everything from taking on housework so she gets to rest or go out with friends to warding off or rebuking people who take advantage of her. It also means no verbal, emotional, or physical abuse. It means no pornography or sexual exploitation. It means treating her and ensuring treatment of her that is gentle, loving, and edifying.

4. Serve Her
How did Jesus the King position himself over the church as its head? By becoming its servant, sacrificing to the point of death in loving service to her betterment.

5. Lead Her
This encompasses all of the above and more. Male headship requires repetitious repentance, deep humility, desperate God-reliance, and a high, passionate commitment to the grace of God for the glory of God, not the gratification of self for the glory of self. Lead, don't push. Set an example in speech and conduct. Show yourself flawed but trustworthy but God as failproof. Refuse to make excuses or pass the buck. Shoulder the burdens and take responsibility.

Quote of the day:

By Sinclair Ferguson, on the subject of God's grace and gospel:

"[T]here is no “thing” that Jesus takes from Himself and then, as it were, hands over to me. There is only Jesus Himself."




And that's enough.

Please visit this site

Given our desperate financial position this year, and the fact that it is Christmas, we've really had to face some emotions about what we want our children to know about Jesus and about Christmas.

Then I read this.  And now, I feel like my family has some big decisions to make, but decisions that will free us, that will make the Gospel the center of our celebration.  And the resources at the end of the post (And I'll warn you now, it's LOOOOOONG, so hang in there) could possibly pull another orphan or lost one out of the cycle, if you choose to do some Christmas giving from there.

One of the greatest things I think is having children select gifts from the following categories:  Something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read....and something to give.  Great ideas for really making Jesus the center of the season.

Please, go read it right now.

Thanks!

Defying Gravity

Great song...but not the point of this blog.

Actually, I was thinking about a similar  song "Gravity: Pulling Heaven Down" by Royal Tailor.  It's about how much more amazing God's grace seems in light of our pitiful earthly existence.  God came to us, so we celebrate this time of year, because of His desire to redeem us from our sins and circumstances.

I really need heaven to come down right now.

Our situation with the IRS has not improved...AT ALL...and the longer it takes, the bigger and bigger the hole between our income and our outflow gets.  As bad as the state of things has been around our house - like, omigosh, I'm an adult, how could I have let this happen kind of bad - there's still something swimming in my abdomen that I can only express through the words of another song

This is "Still is My Soul" by Jill Phillips.

When the storm clouds dark and gray threaten to rain 
Still is my soul, Still is my soul 
When the waves come crashing in to wash me away 
Still is my soul, Still is my soul 
When the winter wind starts blowing in 
Freezing over every stream 
There’s a peace that passes understanding 
Flowing like a current beneath 
Still is my soul, Still is my soul, Still is my soul 
Even when the whole world turns against me and there’s nowhere to hide 
Still is my soul, Still is my soul 
I know the greatest treasures aren’t found in this life 
Still is my soul, Still is my soul 
When the trials of this world rise against me 
I will face them all unafraid 
There’s a peace that passes understanding 
Coursing through the blood in my veins 
Still is my soul

I'm not totally there...especially when I'm standing at the microwave heating up a cup of hot chocolate, crying my eyes out because this small thing feels like a luxury.  And every evil lie that satan can throw at me tells me I'd be so much better off if only...

The voice of God comes back like a breeze in the summer heat, still warm and penetrating in its own right, but a comfort none the less: "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it."

I know that it is the trials of this life that makes old folks sing songs about heaven with a tear in their eye.  And I know it's the deceptive seduction of worldly things that makes people of my generation and younger miss it completely.  But Eph. 2 says that already God has seated our spirits in heavenly places. God, teach me what that means.  Give me spiritual eyes to see the greater things that this difficult season is going to lead to, to believe in advance what will only make sense in reverse.  Help me defy gravity.