New Month Resolution

Since I missed out on making a new year's resolution, I'm starting today. Since we've gotten our daytime routine down, it is time for me to do some of my own conditioning. All of my friends at church started a couch-to-5K club, and they started while we were in Russia. It's supposed to take six weeks, and I'm a month behind them in training. I also recouped from the toll that Russian stomach bug took on our last trip....to put it delicately. Sneaking in a meal when you can, as fast as you can, because one or both girls will pitch a fit if they see you eating when they are not....all this means you don't eat well. The healthy meal you planned for gets half-eaten because of someone vying for attention. So you try to make up for it while they are napping, which means quick to eat convenience food. Or you are so stressed out from nap times getting off kilter that you never have both of them asleep at the same time, which means you wait until they're both down for the night. Then you stuff your face with comfort food, because it makes you feel "better". While chasing the girls has made me more active and kept the junk food wave somewhat at bay, I'm not what I could be. Definitely not where I should be.

I haven't really gotten to hear a sermon lately. I've been to church, but I spent the sermon time wrangling kids. But last night, on the way home, I heard four preachers having a round-table discussion on self-control. Here's where I got blasted between the eyes:

"Self control doesn't just mean walking away from a temptation, or stopping when you've had enough. It means mastery of something that wants to control YOU. It means laying something good down so you can pick up something better."

I thought about that as I ate a whole box of macaroni and cheese for dinner.

....pause for sigh....

So this morning, I signed back on to the Weight Watcher's website for the first time since September, just before all this crazy travel started. I got on my iCalendar and plotted out what the school day is going to look like when I go back to work, and I factored in 45 minutes of exercise time on 4 weekdays, with hopefully time for more on Saturday/Sunday. In essence, I made a plan. I also had my first real Quiet Time, since both girls went down for a morning nap at the same time, something we haven't done in a few days. I started the book, "Praying the Names of God" by Ann Spangler, because it's short sections, but packed with meat. And it lends itself naturally to real interaction with the Lord through deep looks into His character. This week is "Elohim", which is the name of God mentioned in Genesis 1, at creation. My prayer this week is to become the person God created me to be, and to likewise do my part in helping my girls become who God created them to be.

Oh, and as for this 5K thing....It terrifies me. Running makes me afraid. I'm afraid of having an asthma attack. I'm afraid of knee pain. I'm afraid of the time commitment. And I'm afraid I will like it. I can walk a 5K now. I can ride 16 miles in an afternoon on my bike. But I am afraid to run. It totally intimidates me. But I owe it to myself, and to the girls, to try. I've got friends doing it who are starting from ground zero, like me. I'll let you know how it goes.

Thanks, by the way, to those who have been contributing both here, and at the church, to our last stretch of funds owed to the agency. Our prayer for everyone who has helped us along the way is that God will restore to them ten times what they have given us. He does that kind of thing, you know. We really, sincerely, deeply, truly appreciate every gift, every prayer, every meal, every thing you have done for us.

Blessings.

The learning curve

I come from a long line of paranoid pessimists. As for myself, I'm pretty laid back, and a touch on the ADD/easily distracted side. I don't always see danger that is in front of me. But I have two toddlers now. This is not good. So in addition to things I am learning about my girls' personalities, I'm also learning a few things about child safety and behavior.

1. Even if you think the barrier of pillows you have built on the bed is an impenetrable fortress, it isn't.
2. Just when you think the baby moved out of the way so you could take a step, she moves again and is right under your feet. Someone's going down. Her, or you.
3. Anything picked up in the grass looks like food.
4. Pouring water over your face in the bathtub with a 32oz. cup isn't "cute". It's dangerous if you don't know to exhale.
5. Make sure you hear the "click" of the door you don't want opened.
6. While it is fun to blow spit bubbles, it is even MORE fun to blow snot bubbles.

Addie is slowly learning what the word "no" means, and that the pantry is off limits. But she now thinks it is off limits to everyone. If I go in for a box of cereal, or a loaf of bread, I have two seconds to turn around and slip out before she closes me up inside. She also loves perusing our video collection. She's been told no so many times about pulling movies out, that she now pulls them out and pushes them right back in. And she always picks out the same ones....the Matrix trilogy. Why? It's right there on the same shelf as Madagascar, Kung Fu Panda, and Nacho Libre, whose cases are much more colorful and interesting. Well, two of the three do star Jack Black.

Anna has turned on the charm. She said DaDa for the first time on Thursday, and got such a freak out that Addie tried to say it, too. And she has said it a few times since then. On Friday, I went walking with my mother. Mom asked the girls, "Who can say DaDa?" And they both said it on cue. They know it means something, because we freak out every time they say it. They look at us when they say it, too, because they're waiting for the reaction. Anna also likes to mock me when I sneeze. It's too cute. Like, I could seriously die from cuteness.

My latest lesson that I am trying to learn is how to discipline this little snake-charmer. She gets a real charge out of swatting at my face when I'm holding her. Sometimes, it really hurts. It scratches. I clipped her nails today quite a bit, but I can still feel the little nails scraping by my skin leaving it more chaffed than anything. I don't spank her hand, because that's only retaliating, really. It's not teaching her to stop. So I have started catching her hand and saying, "NO!" She thinks it's hilarious!! She tosses her head back and laughs so hard I have to really fight busting out laughing myself. I asked Joe today, "How do you combat this? It's too precious!" Of course, I said it in a drill sergeant voice, because I didn't want her to know I approved. It was kind of funny in its paradoxicalness....and yes, that is a word, because my auto-correct didn't highlight it for me to change.

And now you know something new, too.

History repeating itself.

If you haven't seen "Bill Cosby: Himself", in all its brown and orange velour glory, you need to make that your only activity for the weekend. Otherwise, the following will not make any sense to you.

Me: "Addie, what are you doing?"

Addie: "I was getting a leaf for you."

Me: "I don't want the leaf."

Addie: "Can I have it?"

The next ten minutes were composed of me digging said leaf out of her mouth while trying to avoid getting bit.

TSHIRT SALE!!!!

I have six boxes of tshirts of all three designs sitting in my dining room. We've completed the adoption, with a small balance left to pay. I'd love to move these last hundred or so shirts and close out our account with the agency. So they are going on sale!!!!

$15 for short sleeve, and $20 for long. FREE shipping! Kids and Adult sizes are the same price.

They all say, "Loved". I can't think of a more fun Valentine's Day gift. Let someone know they are special not only to you, but to their heavenly father as well.

"I have called you by name. You are mine." Isaiah 43:1

Happy _____??? Or: What kind of a milestone is this anyway?

Today marks one month of having the girls. We picked them up at about 4pm, December 22 from the baby home. This was the first time that we got to dress them. I saw Addie's little birthmark on her hip for the first time....just like the one on Joe's hip. We discovered that they both have HUGE outies.

Since then, we have made other discoveries about the girls that have made life more interesting, fulfilling, chaotic...take your pick.

• Anna likes to eat. She's put on three pounds in four weeks. We're up to 17lbs.
• Addie likes to move. She's eaten the same amount but has only gained one pound. Up to 18lbs. The gap is filling in.
• They get jealous when I hold the other one.
• They play bashful with daddy until it's time for him to go to work, and then it's smiles, waves, blowing kisses.
• They both like to stick their fingers in MY mouth. I keep trimming their nails, but the inside of my bottom lip is shredded.
• Addie isn't afraid of anything. I had to pull her back from getting into the kennel with our 65lb yellow lab. She sticks her hands right in Molly's mouth, and lets her gnaw all over her little fingers. And today, she climbed up into the window sill to see Molly playing outside. She fell. She got back in it.
• Anna doesn't always want to be held, but she also doesn't always want to be on the floor to play. And whichever you are choosing for her, you're picking the wrong one. She is just so frustrated that she can't crawl yet. But, bless her heart, she's trying. She'll either pull her knees up, or post up on her arms, just not both ends at the same time.
• They love our afternoon walk in the stroller. Molly gets clipped to the right side of the stroller and helps pull us up the hills in my neighborhood. You can often hear me telling her to "mush". "White Fang" was one of my favorite books as a kid.
• Heaven help us if we ever cross paths with a rabbit.

Things we are hoping for in the next month:

1. Moving the girls back into sleeping in the same room. They have such a good routine now, I hate to mess with it. But since they have that routine, it shouldn't be too bad.
2. A physical therapy/occupational therapy plan for Anna. Goal: to be sitting up independently in the next four weeks.
3. To hear a few discernible words or phrases. They understand us now, but they're still just communicating in baby-talk. This is a frustrating time for any child. They know what they want, but can't get the message across by anything other than crying.
4. Paying off our balance to our adoption agency - see the ticker at the side. Feel free to help with this.
5. More attaching with Daddy. I'm still the favored parent right now, which is normal. They didn't see many men in the baby home. We close out each day with playing on the floor until it's time for PJs. That's daddy's time to snuggle, tickle, and cuddle each girl.

....Nap time's over. Time to rouse the family. Even the dog has been napping in the sunshine on the back porch. Lucky dog.

The Sanctity of Human Life

This Sunday, January 23, is Sanctity of Human Life Sunday for Southern Baptist Churches. While it is something we recognize, and something we advocate for other people to respond to and make moral choices accordingly, the moment of choice is very rarely in our own hands.

I had that moment.

I was outside playing with the dog, and my husband, Joe, was doing housework on Monday, October 11 last year when the home phone rang. We're digital people, and the home phone number only rings once in a while, usually with a prerecorded political message on the other end. But on this day, Joe opened the back door and handed me the second handset as he held the first, and said, "It's our adoption agent, Mary."

Mary went on to say how glad she was to catch us both at home on a weekday. She had news that she wanted to be able to give us together, and it wasn't going to be good news.

My heart stopped. On August 10, we accepted a referral for a set of twin girls in Russia that were a year old. In fact, we had all of our paperwork at the agency office being apostilled and translated to send to Russia by the end of that very week. We were only about three weeks from traveling to St. Petersburg to meet them for the first time. At this point in the process, it was still possible for a Russian family's request to adopt to trump our referral and take away this opportunity. I waited for this to be the next words out of Mary's mouth.

Instead, she said, "The girls were taken to a pediatrician for check ups. Olga checked out fine. But Diana is still so behind developmentally that they did some further tests with her, and they think she has cerebral palsy. There's no way of knowing as young as she is how severe this is going to be, and how it is going to affect her in the long run. Take some time. Take a week to think about it, to talk to pediatricians or specialists. Talk to your social worker. And then you can let us know what you want to do."

"What do you mean? What we want to do?"

"You can ask for a new referral if you want to wait for another set of siblings. Or you can just take Olga. The Ministry of Education will probably separate the girls' registrations so at least Olga will have a chance at a normal life, because a Russian family will not adopt a child with special needs. Or you can take them both."

My interpretation of what she was saying was that if the girls were going to get to stay together, we were their only chance for this. Otherwise, they would be separated. I asked what kind of care Diana could possibly receive with her needs. My thoughts, based on 20/20 reports on orphanages, were that she would be stuck in a crib with little stimulation, little therapy, little chance at normalcy.

As a teacher, I had seen varying spectrums of children with CP, from the mildest to the most severe. And I loved those children. They loved my room, because they got to hold instruments, squeal and squeak and wiggle. I have even square danced with a little girl in a motorized wheelchair. I knew that we could do something to help Diana beyond anything they could do at the orphanage, as positively as our agent put things. She told me not to feel guilty if we chose to only take Olga, because Diana would get great care, "Of course, nothing compares to what would happen if she were with a family."

So here was our moment of choice. Take the healthy one, take them both, or wait for a new referral.

Mary hung up and left us with our thoughts. Joe and I sat on the couch, and I cried while he prayed for the courage to do what we knew in our hearts was right by God's Word and by our own convictions. Had we been pregnant and heard this news, we'd see that pregnancy through and love that child and provide everything she needed to thrive to her fullest potential. Our decision was made immediately. The prayers and thoughts that came after that phone call with Mary were for courage, for provision, for understanding of people who would be involved in her care.

We called the babysitter we had lined up and informed her. We called our friends who would be their guardians in the event something happened to us. We called our pastor and his wife to come over and pray with us. We had such a support network that we only had to let people know to pray, and the peace that we were seeking guarded our hearts from any doubts that began to creep in.

After four weeks of visits, court appointments, and paperwork being filled out in Russia, we came back to our hotel room in Moscow after our exit interview at the U.S. Embassy. It was nap time for the girls, and I held a sleepy Russian princess in my arms. Diana, now Anna Claire, nestled into the crook of my elbow and pulled her little balled up hand to her face as she closed her eyes to sleep. I sat by the window watching snow fall, and let the tears flow freely. Joe walked over and touched my shoulder.

"Is everything okay?"

"We could have missed this."

But by the grace of God, the prayers of His people, and the guidance of His Word, we didn't. We jumped in courageously to accept the chance to love a little girl who may take more effort, more money, more time, and more patience to raise because we believed her life, like the life of all children, of all senior adults, of all marginalized people, is precious to her Heavenly Father. And she's pretty precious to us too.

Being Home

First, a little advertisement: We heard back from the last grant agency. The grant was awarded, but not for the total amount we requested. We're $3000 short of having all our fees paid to our adopting agency, so I'm going to update the last ChipIn widget for this last amount if you'd like to give.

BONUS!! - I still have plenty of the red and gray T-Shirts left, and lots of kids' sizes in the red, and also a royal blue version for boys. We're going to give them all the special concert pricing of $15 for short sleeve and $20 for long....that's for kids and adult sizes!! Add $5 for delivery, and that's still less than the current online price. Arrange a pick-up and save even more!!!! Those red shirts with the "loved" logo on the front would look great on Valentine's Day. Pick one up for your sweetie!

........

Now, on to more important matters...

We're home. I'm home from work for a few weeks to help get the girls adjusted. I think the biggest adjustment has been to having me all day long. Their schedule prior to leaving the baby home was 3 workers in 3 daily shifts, plus 3 doctors....so 12 caregivers in all. They adjust to being carted around and introduced to new people really well. They love the dog, and who can blame them. But now that we're home, not being hauled through airports or bounced around from hotel to Nanna's house to here, I think the fact that this is the new reality is sinking in with some difficulty. They are aware of the changes now.

Before, the day was marked by the changes in shift workers. One set meant bedtime through breakfast. The next set meant second breakfast [Yes, really, second breakfast. No, they're not hobbits, although they are quite small.], lunch, and naptime. The third set meant snack, exercise, supper, and bathtime. Meals were served with the children facing away from the caregivers so it was impersonal and over quickly. We have had the most struggle with sleeping through the night and with meals.

My brother lives a couple of houses down from us. He said he can always tell the kind of night we've had if the lights are on when he gets up to go work out in the mornings.

This week has been deceptive from the outside. The lights off in the morning are not a sign of an all-clear in the night. Rather, Addie has been waking up after only sleeping about four hours, then wanting to play for two more hours before going back down. Once asleep, she'll make it all the way to 6:30am. Meaning, she's still only sleeping about seven hours a night. I know that's not enough. The fine print on the prescription cough medicine she has been taking says, "May cause excitability in children." Great. Well, we're going to try a night without and see how it goes.

So what has to happen next? Immunizations, getting SSNs and American birth certificates, and somehow getting them used to our new routine. So far, they've been skipping a second breakfast for a morning nap. Addie's crying keeps Anna awake as well, so they need to catch up a little.

How you can pray for us:

1. Pray that we can raise the last $3000 with the tshirts and a few final donations.

2. Pray that the girls adjust to our new schedule and start sleeping through the night. Pray especially for Addie, as the adjustment seems to be harder on her. Bad habits and an independent streak from being on her own in the orphanage are starting to surface. She's attaching, but on her own terms. I guess that's okay, but some things she does or doesn't do worry me.

3. Pray for me, that I won't personalize and take ownership of every little quirky behavior or difficulty with the girls as a sign of my own inadequacy or failure as a parent. I had really high expectations about how awesome I was going to be at parenting, only to have spent the last six or so nights arm wrestling a toddler who is bent on resisting our help until she's desperate for it. It's very disheartening at times.

4. Pray for Joe, because he had to go back to work earlier on so I could stay home. When I go back to work, he's going to take his time with the girls. He spends every possible minute with them that he can, but he wants the time to bond with them like I'm getting right now. He'll have his chance, and it's good this way, because the girls will have a long period of time with us as their only caregivers before we have to do much babysitting during the workday. Pray that his bonding with the girls doesn't wait for then, but that it happens right now, with all the time he gets to play with and help feed and care for them.

Now, off to bed....

Cross your fingers.

The Journey Home - 3

I didn't realize it has been so long since the last update. As far as you know, we're still stuck in Moscow.

Well, here's how the last of the trip went. On the 29th, we went to the Embassy to sign some forms, answer some questions, and get our last packet of entry paperwork that we would need at Immigration in NYC. It pretty much ate up the whole day. And it was super cold with almost white-out condition snow. The girls loved that initial blast when we left the hotel. Sitting in the Embassy waiting area for two hours was more than they could take. But we weren't alone. There were several families in there with us. Most had toddlers. We didn't have the youngest by age, but because the girls were so preemie, they were the smallest. Other families had stayed during the 10-day post-court waiting period and were seriously strung out and ready to head home. Our agency had told us from watching other families go through this that coming home in between would be the best thing for us all. I didn't believe it at the time, but seeing them at the Embassy office, I saw the wisdom in that advice.

So how did we celebrate completing the enormous paper trail? We ate dinner. We finally all felt well enough to order room service and eat. We got pizza, french fries, and borsch. The servings were larger than we expected, so there were a lot of left overs, plus one slice of pizza after you haven't eaten anything but a nutrigrain bar in five days is very filling. Still, it was glorious to eat again.

On Thursday, the 30th, the sun came out. This was the first time we saw sunlight and blue sky in two weeks. It was also our sightseeing day. We got to see Red Square and St. Basil's Cathedral in all its splendor. Cold does not begin to describe the temperatures. I couldn't find my long john pants in the suitcase that morning, so I just had jeans on. My legs stung from the cold. On top, I had a cami, a base shirt, a long sleeve tee shirt, a sweater, and a fleece jacket liner inside of the waterproof topcoat. Outside of that, I had a baby carrier with Addie tucked inside with all kinds of clothes on. Joe was dressed similarly with Anna in tow.

That afternoon, we left the girls with Nanna in the hotel and walked across the street from the hotel to Starbucks. I know, right? And it was so familiar and beautiful that I almost cried. I was so ready to be home. We went to the market and picked up the last few jars of baby food we would need for the trip home in the event there were more airport problems. All that week, our driver had warned us that all kinds of flights were being cancelled in and out of Moscow. He said fights were breaking out in line and that the airport was overcrowded with people that had been stuck. We were preparing for the worst.

Because of that, we arrived at the airport on Friday almost four hours early. It was almost empty. We looked at the departure screen, and only two flights were cancelled. **whoosh** Open door courtesy of One Awesome Heavenly Father. Our next expected difficulty would be at JFK, which was also having problems with heavy snow earlier in the week. Our flight from Moscow arrived early. The wait coming through Immigration was long, but fluid. We had to reprint our boarding passes for the flight home because they got misplaced on the last plane, but other than that, our flight wasn't cancelled. Our gate wasn't changed. We had three hours to sit at a food court, eat a chicken sandwich and drink a Dr. Pepper, feed the girls, play drums on the table with baby spoons, walk through a toy store, and fall asleep just before boarding the last flight. The girls slept almost the whole way to Houston on our last flight. It was great. I learned that if you fold down the tray table, it is just the right size to help bear the weight of a floppy sleeping infant.

We were met at baggage claim by my in-laws who were driving us back to Port Arthur. Thanks to all that sleep the girls got on the flight, they did not want to sleep when we got back to Nanna's house. This began our continuing struggle with the US time difference. Oh what fun....NOT! They're still not sleeping the way I'd like them to. But the last two days have been the best so far. Last night, we had to drive Addie around in her carseat for about 15 minutes to get her to fall asleep. But the girls slept through the whole night, only waking up at 4am. We got up and ate an early breakfast, and they both went back down at 6am to get the rest of their sleep out.

I think the best thing God put into kids as a communication technique is the sleepy little rub of the eyes. As soon as I see it, I start rocking and singing, and it is usually a short amount of time before I get that sleepy yawn and feel their little bodies relax in my arms. It makes all the travel struggles, the heart stopping moments of fear, the stomach virus while stuck in a hotel room, and the fundraising worth it.