The word for the day is

Endurance.

Yesterday afternoon, I watched "Lorenzo's Oil" for the first time. The passionate pursuit of those parents to learn biochemistry and neurology for the sake of finding a cure for their son consumed me for two and a half hours.

I couldn't even make it through the movie without getting up and walking around the house.

I have the stamina of a ... oh look. A chicken!

See? I couldn't even finish that sentence. I started thinking about other things I've taken part in, other ministries I have been involved in. I really hate struggle. I think that's why God chose adoption for us. He knew the only way I would learn this process would be to have something where the end benefit for me would be worth all the effort I had to put in.

Things that have been worth the effort: recording a CD, learning to play the guitar, learning Spanish, training my dog to fall down when I say "Bang!" [She won't do it for anyone but me just yet. Too easily distrac... ooh, another chicken!]

In the course of the last year, even more than the previous year of fertility treatments, I have prayed more, planned more, worked more, and met more people doing the same thing, than I ever did in any other pursuit. But if I were in the place of Lorenzo's mother, could I keep going? Like she said to her sister in the movie, "Spoken like someone who has never raised a child." I know, motherly love will change me and enable me to sacrifice myself for my child like I've never done before.

But, missions I do have experience with. Yesterday, we also had two missionaries come speak. They live in a tiny apartment in an Asian country, in a region where the air is filled with coal dust. When they take a shower, water covers the whole bathroom. When they want to wash clothes, they have to carry the washing machine into the tub and hook up the water lines. They have to purify their water before they eat, drink, cook, or wash dishes with it. They make daily sacrifices to live in an area that needs the gospel. They keep doing it without giving up, knowing that their labor will produce fruit that glorifies God.

And I can't even make it out of World 1 on Super Mario.

So now what? Well, I know that to live in light of knowledge gained and do nothing is sin for me. No, I am not going to spend the summer playing Super Mario. But I want to do something. Something meaningful. Something that saves a life. Even if it's mine.

From good news to bad news...

I don't mean that there is a bad development. I just mean that I am sick of organizations that only air one side of the story. In light of the trouble UNICEF has caused with adoptions in Nepal, this story will make you sick.

This is about the Baptists in Idaho who went to Haiti following the January quake. You won't hear this in national news publications. We fell into the category of people who said, "Well, it wasn't their place to do that anyway. Serves them right." But once you get the full story....

It ain't right.

Good News!

Monday, we received the official copy of our homestudy. Our paperwork has been sent to the state for approval, and from there it will go to the USCIS office in New Orleans for the last little piece of paper that goes into our dossier. All this should take place in the next three weeks or less. By June 4, we hope to have our dossier in the mail to Nepal.

We've already rearranged bedrooms for every possible combination of children. Two boys, or two girls, or one of each, or...three by some chance, although our homestudy denotes a preference for two. God is sovereign. We have family on standby with a crib if needed, although we're expecting to bring home older children, between one and four years old.

My brother has been here all week with his family. Both of his children are around the ages of what we hope to bring home. It has been so fun playing "house" with them this week, although they have been croupy. That Mississippi weather and pollen will get you every time. I read them stories to put them to bed Monday night. I colored on the floor with them. My heart's just overflowing at what awaits us, even though I know it's going to involve late night squalling sessions, force-feeding robitussin, nebulizer treatments, and finicky dinner habits.

Once the Nepali agents receive our paperwork, they review everything and start working on a referral, matching our resources and preferences to the needs of a waiting sibling group. They advertise that this will take two to three months. I have YET to see anyone go through that quickly. I will be happy with 9 months, traveling in the spring. In fact, that would be ideal, because it would lead into the summer, giving me lots of time at home with our children before the next school year begins.

So I guess at this point you could consider us "expecting".

P.S. The "ChipIn" ticker has been relatively inactive lately. Don't let that discourage you if you are thinking about giving. We have had some local friends give us gifts personally. We have set up a fund with our church, and they will be writing a check directly to New Beginnings to help with our fees. If you would feel more comfortable giving that way, post a comment asking for the church mailing address. The "ChipIn" is a convenient way for those who want to make a gift using debit or credit cards to contribute. I am a skeptical giver for personal or unverified charities, so I understand. If that's you, give directly to New Beginnings or our church in our name. Post a comment for more information. Thank You!!

And you thought you were having a bad day.

I wore a dark pink shirt under a green tank dress today, trying to draw attention AWAY from a serious sunburn I got after three hours outside with kids yesterday afternoon. But the necklines didn't match up. So now I have red outlined in white sitting next to dark pink and green. Basically, I look like a watermelon.

Well, at least one of us is smiling right now.

And the verdict is:

Even with Canada suspending their Nepali adoptions, our social worker has not discouraged us from continuing our course. A few US Senators have contacted the US State Department, encouraging them to step in and help Nepal overcome some of its paperwork weaknesses. The agency president visited in March and was impressed by the level of professionalism and conscience he found in the Ministry of Women and Children's Services.

Our social worker seems to think that the vetting issues can be address and resolved. He reaffirmed our confidence that we made the right choice in agencies. We do have an idea of alternatives that will still keep us on relatively the same timeframe. But God's ways are not our ways, and His timetable is not our timetable. And for a month, we've been laying out a fleece in prayer for direction away from Nepal, with no change of heart.

Thank you for those who prayed for us during the meeting last night. My hope is that we will always be attuned to God's heart in the matter. All we are thinking and feeling right now is, "Full steam ahead."

Meeting tonight.

We have a meeting at 5:30 with our social worker tonight to talk through a change in country in the event that Nepal closes. Canada has suspended all their adoptions with Nepal, even for families who already have referrals. Those families have since gotten legal counsel and are seeking to have their government step in with the vetting process, since that appears to be the Nepali agencies' weakness.

The US has not suspended Nepali adoptions. They are only strongly suggesting at this point that US families choose another country. I don't know if Canada's decision will influence them in any way. I am still hopeful about Nepal. But it would be prudent for us to address the fact that these issues will at most bring about a possible delay. At worst, we will have to change countries. I am not fearful. I am so at peace with the sovereignty of God in this matter. We went through some changes along the way getting our house built. We changed plans, changed builders, changed locations, changed timeframes, but we got the house built within the last year. It's better than we were expecting. It cost less than we were expecting to pay. And it's perfect for the calling to adopt that we have on our hearts.

If you have been waiting to see what happens to decide whether to give or not toward our adoption fees, I totally understand. But we are working with all the information we have been given, and I am passing that along to our friends and family for your prayers. Pray that Nepal stays open, and we can be in and out of there within the next 12 months. We are believing in faith that this will happen. And if it doesn't, we believe God's purpose for a change is in the best interests of our family and the child we would have missed had this not happened.

God bless,

Pray!

Something's missing...

I just ate a serving of homemade banana pudding that looked perfect from a distance. A sea of creamy yellow and white with islands of toasty brown vanilla wafers.

As I ate through it, I began looking for the bananas. My favorite part of this traditional southern dessert is the occasional big chunk of fruit. But there was none to be found. Instead, I tasted a faint essence of banana in a sickeningly sweet syrupy blend of wafers and sweetened condensed milk.

I would hardly call it banana pudding. This is more like what my brother and I used to call cookie pudding. It had all the resemblance of banana pudding but was missing the main ingredient=bananas.

I talked this week with one of my older guitar students about her testimony. She in essence said the same thing about her own life. In the south, it's easy to find a lot of good looking, well behaved people who from a distance bear all the resemblance of a follower of Jesus Christ. But like the pudding, they're missing the main ingredient = Christ.

Today, Go Bananas!

Urgent Prayer Request

On May 4, the US Embassy in Nepal has closed for an unspecified amount of time due to a Maoist insurgency that is creating problems for political offices in Kathmandu. The conflict right now is more theoretical than violet. But it does create problems for families who have just received their referrals. How upsetting this must be as they are preparing for travel to meet a child they have only just gotten to know on paper.

How does this affect us? Don't know yet. Our paperwork is still pending US I-171H approval. I feel like if the US government gives us this approval that they are still okay with our continuing journey toward a Nepalese adoption. The US State Department has only issued warnings. They have not ceased the approval of adoptions from Nepal. They are just asking for due diligence to make sure all children leaving the country do so legally. Who can argue with that?

Still, we do have a worst case scenario that might only temporarily delay us getting to adopt internationally. Our social worker has already vowed to help us change to another international location in the event this door does fully close. We prayed about this a few months ago, and off and on since then, but with no real tug away from Nepal. We still feel like this is the right place for us right now.

Pray for political conditions in Nepal to improve. And pray that the new Minister of Women and Children's Services in Nepal can restore the US State Department's confidence in Nepal's adoption proceedings. Pray specifically for Minister Ojha and Deputies Karkhee and Saldev that they can communicate clearly with the US officials to show proof that they are doing everything possible to legitimately match waiting children with loving families.

The president of our agency met with these men on a recent trip to Nepal, and had full confidence in the quality of their work on behalf of both the children and the prospective parents. This gives us a clear reason to hope. However . . . I don't have that much confidence in our own political system to keep their sticky fingers out of it so we can all move through the process more securely and without unnecessary delays.

And finally, pray for us, too. Like I said, we haven't felt led to change countries yet. This is one of those kinds of decisions that I really want to lay out a fleece. Pray that we'll be sensitive to GOD's leadership in the matter, because it would be so easy for our own emotions to sway us one way or another.

God of the "How Come"

Kids are full of questions. They are compelled to ask them out loud, at the worst possible times. I wonder how any of them sit through a movie anymore. I don't remember being this way, but I'm sure I was. Last week I showed a video about pianist, Franz Liszt. One part of the story has a huge cliffhanger. The kids couldn't sit and watch and wait to see what happens next. They wanted to know right then.

"Did he run away?" "Is he stealing?" "What is that?" "What's he trying to do?" "Is that soap?"

I asked them - Haven't you ever watched a movie before? Do you have to see it from end to beginning in order to enjoy it? Can't you just watch and let it unfold for you without having to know or understand what's going to happen? Be surprised!

...Oh, yeah. You can see where this is going!...

Not to beat a dead horse or anything, but I need to constantly be reminded of this when it comes to the hand of God at work in my life. Isaiah 55 is one of my favorites in the whole Bible. This is the JMK version:

Don't waste your time trying to satisfy your needs and curiosities with things that are temporary or meaningless. Make sure your heart is pure, and trust the hand of God.

His ways are higher. He sees the whole parade, you only see one float at a time.

His promises will not go unfulfilled. Wait on him and you will be amazed and filled with joy at what His power can do.

So, all those times that I thought I knew what was going on, or I was having a real hard time being patient and waiting for the next chapter to unfold, all I had to do was wait. All I had to do was be satisfied in knowing that God Is. And that He is working for His Kingdom and my good. Not my convenience or my preference, but my Good. And according to the passage, His thoughts are not my thoughts, so I may have NO IDEA what His definition of GOOD is!

So I come back to a couple of truths so I can know His good when I ask "How Come?"

1. God's word contains every principle I need.
2. God gives me common sense to guide by His word to make decisions.
3. God loves me and will lead me "for His Name's Sake (Psalm 23)". The direction of my life, as long as I am doing MY part to walk faithfully with Him, is guided by His hands. It's His name that is at stake.

I don't have to know the ending of the movie. I can just enjoy the show.

P.S. I have worked out the math for this $25,000 in 250 days. The daily goal is $100. Up to 4 contributors. We almost made the goal for the first day, yesterday. Help us reach that goal for our international adoption! Thanks!!! Oh, and you can definitely give more than $25. Shout out to those who have already given! God bless!!

$25 x 1000 in 250

Every student that walked into the cafeteria this morning had a chip on his or her shoulder. They were looking for fights, looking for reasons to be angry with each other. And I was right there with them.

It must be that end of the year anxiety. We have three days of nothing but state standardized testing next week. This is the last week that teachers push and try to cover every little thing they didn't get in over the last thirty-three weeks. You can smell the tension in the air, along with a little bit of humidity hanging around as the rain on the ground begins its steamy rise back up to complete the cycle.

I have one more big musical this year with the most reluctant group of performers. I've said it before. Something happens between the summer of fourth and fifth grade. Sweet little children are replaced by look alikes with bad attitudes and body odor.

And in the midst of all this chaos and humidity, there is hope.

The last of the documents we are responsible for at this juncture are getting mailed in 15 minutes.

At that point, our homestudy is complete and we can begin fundraising in earnest. If you look at the side, you will see a widget through ChipIn.com through which you can contribute to our adoption fees. I know I have friends who don't facebook who stay linked to me through this site. This is there for your convenience. Our goal is to have at least 1,000 friends, relatives, and their own acquaintances to donate $25 each to help us meet all of the fees for adoption and travel over the next 250 days. I think that is more than attainable. Don't you?

And then I can be the proud mother of two precious toddlers who will grow up to be a couple of preteens with attitude and body odor.

Yay!