Too much blood in my pie stream

We've been bonkers around here with all the fats and sugars in our endocrine systems. I feel sorry for the unsuspecting sales caller who was ambushed by my two brothers in law having a screaming match about getting the monkeys back into their cages. Needless to say, the sales caller hung up pretty quickly. Mission accomplished.

By the way - If it is needless to say something, then why do people go ahead and tell you anyway?

Yes, I've had too much peanut butter pie and chocolate delight.

Did you give into Black Friday? I didn't think I would. But we finally decided at the last minute that it would at least be worth the attempt to find a few inexpensive Christmas gifts for those couple of relatives and friends that you feel obligated to buy for, mostly because you know they're going to buy something for you. It's a vicious cycle, as I am a notorious re-gifter. But just because you are receiving a gift from me this year, don't assume that I am giving you one of these thoughtless gifts. I assure you, YOUR present is meaningful and I searched long and hard to get just the perfect thing for you.

I did find some things that I was really happy about. We kept a level head, and I bought things I would have bought at full price anyway. That's how you know you haven't completely lost your mind.

Now, if you'll excuse me - The monkeys are out of their cages again. I must intervene.

I peered over her shoulder as I buttoned my jeans.

...several small follicles
...no dominant follicle
...retroverted uterus

"The doctor will call you next week with the results from your tests today. Don't forget your purse."

No dominant follicle. I repeated the words in my head as I walked down the corridor toward the business desk. I am not ovulating.

Another month, another cycle of medication, another missed opportunity.

Next month will consist of doctor's visits, counseling about increased dosages, maybe coupled medications. We've still got steps to go before we have to stop and take stock of how much of this pursuit is on our own strength, and how much we are leaving up to God's direction.

Should I be this depressed over this test? It's not like I got a negative pregnancy test. But it means I will - unless one of those latent follicles gets its head out of its ...

Here's some irony for you. My sweet Joe is preaching a sermon tonight at our "Thankful Tuesday" service at church entitled, "God Wants Our Thanks". The preacher's sermon this past Sunday was entitled "Singing in the Rain". I am being bombarded with God's promises. And more than I used to, I am trying really hard to keep my heart open to hear and believe that they're addressed to me.

Thanks to all my prayer warriors - large and small (sweet Riley). Keep lifting us up, as we adjust medications and hearts so we can be obedient.

Happy (?) Thanksgiving

Ignorance really is bliss. Go figure!

I knew I was going to be intimately involved in vocational ministry when I was a teenager. I took every available opportunity to explore that call through mission trips, Bible studies, performing arts ministries, local projects...whatever was available. I spent a lot of my senior year of college in prayer, seeking leadership about the next step - mission field or seminary, marriage or single life, music or writing.

While I waited for answers, I secretly envied those of my friends who were able to say with such assurance that they were going to marry ____________ and live in __________ town, working at _____________ job. I didn't see them having to seek God for direction as hard as I was seeking. I wondered why their Christian service could be limited to just playing the piano for children's choir (which was one of my own local ministries during college). I envied the security their life was to bring.

Little did I know -
Those friends have lost husbands, lost children, battled depression and suicide, took one little church mission trip that turned into an unexpected life calling, had children with special needs, started businesses, lost jobs....In short, they all had various life events that challenged their faith, led them closer to God, and refined their worldview to include the greater Kingdom.

"For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His purposes." Phil. 2:13

Right now, as I am reintroducing myself to the seven realities of Experiencing God, I look back at how I saw God revealing Himself to those friends I thought were getting out of the hard work of digging deep in their relationships with Him. We've all gone through something that was a refining moment.

I have a couple of life circumstances that are knocking the edges off right now. As the baby of the family, I have always been a little self-indulgent. It shows up on every personality test I take. God is still working that out of my personality by making me largely, though not solely, responsible for my parents' care. I'm working through my desire to get quick fix answers to my prayers through the journey of childlessness. My prayer life is not the stuff of biographical classics, like George Mueller, so I guess He feels like the best way to overcome this is by giving me lots to pray about.

In that egocentric way of mine, I had a hard time seeing God at work refining my friends. I wondered how they got off so easy. I never saw the things He had in store for their lives. And at this moment in my own life, I take great comfort in my ignorance, because...

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind conceived what God has in store for those who love Him."

Unpublished Draft from 2009...

Updated comments will be in bold.

"I wonder sometimes.

I know Abram, Moses, Esther, Ruth ...awww, heck, most or all of my Old Testament favorites... lived a time of their life in relative obscurity before God moved them into their places of position. There were character flaws to be worked out, and skills to be learned, international time-tables to be set, situations waaaaaaaay bigger than the individuals themselves that had to be orchestrated.

So I wonder - does God have something big for me? Or is this it? Because a lot of people go into teaching because of the retirement. Others for the time off. I'm here because it's better than anything else I could be doing in town, with Joe on church staff right now. I realize that teaching is its own mission field. And I bring spirituals and Christian character into the classroom at every opportunity. But I really thought, back in the days when I was doing a lot of retreat and camp ministries with my music and CD, that itinerate music ministry was going to be my way of life. I miss those days sometimes, but then again, it wasn't steady work that you could live off of, and it meant weekends away from my husband. Still, I miss the influence I was able to have through my music ministry.

Are those days over? I am still overcoming the dry well of songwriting. I took some pictures today of our resurrected pepper plants, and made a little pun about a burning bush. I feel like Moses in exile on the backside of a mountain. I don't think he knew he was called to greatness. I don't really know if I am. I know if I desire that greatness, I can almost be assured I will NOT attain it - because God doesn't seek out the self-assured to carry out His business.

But here's the thing that got that ball rolling: I was reading last night, and reread the scripture about the master who gave his servant a small task, and once that was well completed, the servant was entrusted with more."

This was originally written in early 2009, before my mom had emergency surgery on a septic appendix, only to turn around a month later and break her leg requiring months of inpatient rehab and my brother and I shuffling around the care of my dad. We also started building our house that year, and by December had our adoption paperwork rolling.

When you're on the backside of a mountain, you're not thinking about the long, hard climb back uphill to get to the top of it.

What I have discovered about myself in the meantime is this:

Right there at the end when I felt like the opportunities for leading worship and songwriting had dried up, it is because I forgot the meaning of the word, "Worship". Its root is in the word - "worth". We show honor to people or things of worth.

I had gotten to a rotten place where if the setting wasn't worthy of me, I didn't want to put forth the effort toward a presented opportunity for leading worship. All that time, we still had, and still have, a student ministry that needed worship leadership. But the crowd was small, and we needed a drummer, and blah, blah, blah....EXCUSES!

Having to pull out from working with the youth to give our new daughters time to adjust, I longed for intimacy with Christ. I reached a new level of dependency, and at times, despondency. When the fog lifted, I vowed to the Lord to give Him the honor which He is due, regardless of who was or was not listening. And God sent me a Barnabas, a son (or daughter, rather) of encouragement to share the parts of a consistent worship ministry that can become tedious so our focus stays where it should - lifting up Christ, and lifting up students' hearts to Christ.

I'm still a teacher, at the same school, in the same room. And I haven't had an opportunity to lead worship away from home since before I wrote this original post, not that I'd know how to handle that now with the girls. It really changes everything! But I know the greatest work I could ever be called to is the one we are all challenged with daily....To know God, and to make Him known.

Catching up

This is what procrastinating does. I'm way behind in my one-minute blogs, so here are all the posts I've missed. I'm going to try to do them all in one minute. Ready - set - go!!!!!!

What do I hear? The hum of my cpu, and the creaks of my old classroom.
Word verification gibberish: PRUND - (n) One who lacks tact and discretion. "You're such a prund!"
Interesting weekend: Losing my watch in a cow field, and then being able to find it.
Bad habit: Avoiding necessary conflicts
Vintage style that doesn't need to come back: Coifs
3 Goals: Record again. Get pregnant. Learn to sew.
Technology I can't live without? internet
Writing career? Devotionals and bible study literature

I figure I used about 15 seconds for each. So it took about two minutes.

ThIs iS wHaT haPpEnS wHeN yOu geT uP At 4aM

I'm way behind in my blogging. Sorry to all my faithful followers out there - both of you.

I am writing to celebrate a life-first. I made my first MP3 sale of my CD today. Don't know who bought it, but thanks. I hope it blesses and comforts you, and kicks you in the pants, if that's what you need.

Some days, I kick myself in the pants.

This morning was rough. I have that sickly, congested, coughy, yucky hungarian throat-rot thing going on - no offense to any hungarians. I woke up at 4am, and couldn't get back to sleep. Finally, in frustration, I got up at 5 and took my shower and began my usual morning routine. This turned out well, though, because I had a chance to catch up on some other reading.

Our church is going through the "Experiencing God" Bible study together, including the youth. I was excited for the church, but bored because I had been through it before. I didn't pick up the book until last week. Now, I don't want to put it down. I had let some truths slip through my fingers that might have altered the course of some events in my life. Maybe not in the major directional sense, but I could have walked through some events with different perspectives and attitudes.

Remember the post about God's will from two Sundays ago? That common-grace will and the scriptural will of God put us in tune to hear those moments of specific invitations to engage in something God is doing around us. The way I worded the last part was the kick I have needed lately. I have felt very much like I am trying to find a way to fix problems that are bigger than me. And I keep asking God "Is this Your will for me? Am I creating all this drama for naught?"

Wrong question.

I'm still working on the right question to ask Him for direction in this situation. But I know it revolves around what He is already doing, not on what I am or am not capable of doing.

Sounds like nailing jello to the wall, doesn't it? Kinda hard to grab a hold of or define. I'm still working it all out. This is part of the whole "journey of abiding" from the title. After 27 years as a follower of Christ, I still feel like a child sometimes. I'm no where near what I want to be in my knowledge and obedience of Him. What I hope is that in coming weeks of decision making and life alterations, I can put into practice some truths about following God that I learned before I was mature enough to assimilate them into my life, not that I have already obtained the full measure of maturity.

Hang in there with me. I will get funny, witty, creative, etc., again soon. Just working through some stuff. But I'm not working alone.

Why You Shouldn't Procrastinate....

I'll tell you later.

Well, the offer is still out there. But I figured I wouldn't get a bite. And I'm secretly kinda glad about that. I really love my car. And I want to drive it well past the payoff date.

I took the day off from school to go chat with the doctor about our old friend, clomid. He was pretty optimistic, since all signs point to the fact that it's working. But we're going to prove it for sure this month with an ultrasound and some labwork. The next step would be to increase dosage, he said. I guess that since this medication runs a small risk for multiple births, that increased dosages increase the risk. And in my case, with asthma and being overweight already, it would be risky to have some freakishly large "litter" of babies.

But twins would be nice.

Anyways, I'm cutting this entry short, because I have just been challenged to a game of "WORMS". No, that's not a euphemism. It's a video game. And I'm about to kick some butt.

Have a good weekend.

For Sale

If you're in Mississippi, and in the market, I've got a honey of an SUV. It's not really the gas guzzling type, although it is a hefty 7-seater. I love my Dodge Durango, and the only reason I would sell it is because we are getting ready to build a house, and I'm trying to cut the "fat" out of our finances.

2006 Dodge Durango, red color with black trim and luggage rack

$17,000

47K miles

6 disc CD changer

Third row seat

Brand new, these are running $27-$32K

Back two rows of seats fold down mostly flat. Great for small truck uses. Good condition. No major physical flaws, and no mechanical problems. Serviced regularly. I get 15 to 20 mpg. I can go about 9 days between fill ups on a 20 gallon tank and I have a 30m round trip each day.

If interested, please post a comment.

There was this one time, in Canada...

Another great Sunday service. I'm so blessed and appreciative of people who are sensitive to God's leadership in their lives.

We got into a discussion in Sunday school today about God speaking to David so directly as he was taking over as king of Israel (2 Samuel 6, 7...). It reminded me of a sermon I heard about ten years ago. I've never forgotten it.

At a little Mennonite church in British Columbia, the pastor was talking about Paul hearing and following God's leadership in his missionary journeys. He gave three examples from scripture of God directing His children in different ways.

The first he called God's common will. Common, as in common sense. We don't stand in front of the closet each morning and pray - "O God, because you have seen this day before the foundations of the world were laid, reveal to me the outfit which you have sovereignly ordained for me to wear on this day." Instead, we apply our knowledge about the tasks of the day, the weather conditions, and what is clean or dirty, and dress ourselves appropriately. What to eat for a meal, what to buy at the grocery store-a lot of this stuff is just applied knowledge - AKA wisdom. I'm not just talking about street-smarts. God makes fools out of self-wise people. I'm talking about the wisdom that comes from fearing the Lord. Wisdom is a gift of God, given generously to all who ask, without finding fault (James 1). When we walk with wisdom, we will follow God's common will.

The second, he called the expressed will of God. This means commands God has expressed for us in Scripture. Don't kill. Don't steal. Be generous and modest with your finances. Don't boast. There are different decisions we make each day that we have to (or should) consult His word to find the correct response. There are some decisions we know how to make based on commands and prescriptions in Scripture. When we obey the Word of God, we will follow God's expressed will.

The third understanding of God's will is His specific will. Some call this God's perfect will. The lesson today gave me another clear picture of how this works. When we are being obedient to the Word of God, and use wisdom to make our decisions, we will live a life where we can hear Him clearly in those times when we need to make a very specific decision or follow a specific path.

Sometimes, going on an overseas mission trip is simply a matter of the common will. "Can I afford this?" Obviously, God's Word would support a desire to go on such a trip. But sometimes, God specifically intervenes to override our common sense. This is true of the person who says "I can't go on this trip, because I can't afford it" and then someone makes an anonymous donation in their name to pay for all trip expenses. Or of the person who says, "I can afford this. Sign me up," only to find out that the trip has already been filled. Doors open or shut according to God's specific plan for certain situations.

In David's case, in 2 Samuel 7, he has the sense and the resources to build a temple for God. He has been faithful in doing everything God has asked of him so far. And he has a desire to honor God. All of this shows David as he walks in that common will and the expressed will of God. But God intervenes. Through the prophet, Nathan, God tells David he will be so busy building and uniting a kingdom that has wandered from Him, that David will not have the time to oversee the building of a temple. Instead, God says, "Make the nation ready and I will make you ready to hand this responsibility over to your son. And I will establish your line forever." It was not God's specific will for David to build.

This sermon on the Will of God helped me so much, because I was one of those people who wanted to hear from God very specifically about all kinds of things. I was one of those who needed signs and wonders and visions in order to make decisions. But I was getting very frustrated at how that wasn't working for me. I wasn't really living life that way. I had three open doors for college. I made a decision that was partly financial and partly emotional. God did direct me to an extent, but I chose a major out of common sense.

I saw fluctuations in how some decisions got made, and it frustrated me that God wouldn't shut every door before I had to choose one of them. The pastor showed a place where Paul had an open door to go into a new area to minister, but he was waiting to be joined by another ministry companion, and since that person wasn't in that location, Paul moved on. The pastor said, "Not every open door is God's will for you." That was news to me!

The pastor concluded by saying - Trust God with your steps. If you have a decision to make, pray about it. See what the Word says about the situation. Ask for wisdom. Then act, applying everything you know about the situation, and the scriptural response you should have. If God wants you to do something different, He will intervene.

This was true in David's case. It was true in Paul's case. And I've even seen it in my own life. I knew I was called to ministry in college, but I had no specific direction. I started seminary at Southwestern, in DFW. But after a year there, I had a holy restlessness. God was about to move me. I took time off, and through some divinely orchestrated circumstances, He led me specifically to New Orleans to study worship leadership.

I want to conclude today with a scripture that helps pull all these elements together. I don't know what decisions you are facing. You may need to wait for a specific answer. Or you may need to do what God's telling you through His Word. Or maybe you just have a really good idea, and the means to carry it out. Go for it! If you're seeking God through the process, He will be faithful.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." Proverbs 3:5-6

Prayer Journaling

Every time I have kept a prayer journal, where I reviewed things I was praying for and adjusted as I saw God doing things in the lives of those people along the way, I really notice His hand working more often.

Here's a recent God-thing that has wider implications than just the little conveniences it afforded me. Last month, at an outdoor concert an hour away, with more than 12,000 in attendance, I "just happened" to run in to an old seminary friend who "just happened" to be leading worship in the same town that I teach in. Didn't think much of it at the time. But the next week, when we had to move our program because the new high school auditorium wasn't going to be ready in time, guess where we moved it? That's right! His church.

But this is where things get cool. As it turns out, he's going through some things in his journey right now that Joe and I faced at our first church together. The program ended, and we stayed about 45 minutes later getting his story. It was so evident he needed the specific kind of comfort and grace that we were able to give because of our own experiences. We weren't thinking as we went through our dark days, "Gee. I hope God lets me use this in a positive way someday." We were just hoping to survive with our dignity intact.

That's where he is. And you could just tell he was relieved to have someone listen who understood. He "just happened" to have a family member in our old church, so he knew that story as well. He knew we weren't just whistling dixie when we said we understood what he was going through.

My friend over at www.yourfame.blogspot.com had a similar experience of God stepping in at the right time. Go read that story, then come back here for the zinger.

God, thank you for perspective to see Your hand at work, even in the smallest of things - like the donut, or much greater ones - like M's situation. Bless him and his family. Enlarge their territory. Put Your hand over their lives and their marriage. Keep them from all evil.

And give them a cookie.

Update

Well, the program was a huge hit. The outdoor performance was a B-. But they brought their A-game for the parents later that night. I'm so relieved that it's over, but it's partially a feeling of satisfied accomplishment. I was keyed up after we ate supper and came home. We crawled into bed at 9:45 or so, exhausted, and I had this rediculous grin on my face. Joe said, "What are you grinning about?" I just felt good.

Awww. The kid saying the pledge over the intercom just went from the American flag to the Christian flag. Instead of "one nation...", he said, "one brotherhood, uniting all ..." and that's where he caught his mistake. Kinda cute, huh?

In other news, I have a doctor's appointment next week. No meds this time around. I think he wants to talk to me and make sure that there is no "operator malfunction" in how I've been taking the medication. I know that was the case the first month. I was just so excited, that I started taking it too early.

Lastly, remember my rambling thoughts from a few posts ago? Well, I have a tune. I sat down with one of my guitar students, and we worked on some "nashville notation" to write a song. She's going to take the chords and write one of her own. And I'm going to take them and write something different. The lesson is to see how different the same chord progression can sound with a different melody. FYI, chord progressions cannot be copywritten. Only melody lines. So I'm excited, and will probably sit down today and put something together.

I hope you have a blessed weekend. Happy Friday.

Things to look forward to....

The program is today! The program is today! The program is today!

I'm not that stressed out, really. Our practice yesterday went really well. But we are having a fall heat wave this week, and the humidity is rising because it's supposed to rain tonight. Our outdoor rehearsals have kids fanning and shading and almost fainting. Today should be the worst, meteorologically speaking, and the whole school will be outside to enjoy it as the fourth graders squint their way through the awkward hillside performance.

We haven't even completed our final performance yet, and I'm already working on the third grade program, assigning parts, getting costume elements together-at least on paper, and trying to pick out some new sound equipment, since ours bit the dust. Discovering that was not the highlight of my week. Neither was rearranging and borrowing what does work.

But it will all be worth it, because....

007 is coming!

Oh, yes. I am huge Daniel Craig 007 fan. We have a little boy at school that looks like him. This kid is so...rambunctious. He gets in trouble with other teachers all the time. He could walk right up to me, shoot me in the face, and I'd still think - awww, he's so cute.

So, once the chaos of this week is past, I'll be enjoying a "quantum of solace" myself. But I have to ask the question - exactly how much is a "quantum"? Is it as big as a bushel, because I'm pretty sure I know how much a bushel is. Just slightly larger than a peck.

Oh, and incidentally...

If you didn't get the whole Walrus thing from a few posts ago, it's from a Beatle's song. I think it's "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band." Correct me if I'm wrong.

I wouldn't really want to be a walrus, or a weasel. If I could be any animal, I'd want to be a swan. They're pretty, they swim and fly - two things I love - and they are not hunted.

That or a mama bear. Nobody cares if you're overweight, and you get to sleep a lot. Yeah. That's nice.

Kookoo kachu.

Prayer in the 21st Century

We had a prayer group that met on Thursday nights at 9pm back in my college days. We'd lay down on the carpet in the BSU building, and let'er rip. Sometimes we were done by 10. Sometimes much later. Those were awesome days of hearing God speak and seeing God move.

The men in my church have started a prayer group like that which meets on Thursday mornings. My husband tells me how awesome their meetings are, and said he and his friends have been praying that their wives can find some kind of time to do the same.

I'd love that, and heaven knows we need some serious prayer now. But as Joe and I were talking last night, I said I feel like I have a prayer group right now. You.

When I blog, I'm usually putting out my prayer requests as I write. And you respond with how you're praying for me. I read up on my friends' blogs about the things they're going through and I pray for them. I feel very spiritually connected to others right now, even though I'm not with them physically, almost in the same way that I feel like I'm conversing with God, even though I don't see him.

It's a unique time we live in. Use it wisely, friends, because who knows what may come. If the fairness act is realized (equal time on air and in print for all viewpoints - both political and religious), I don't think it will end up being very fair at all. Hopefully that act is just an urban myth. We took our youth to a judgement house Sunday night. Usually the story involves teens in a car wreck, then the heaven and hell walk-through. This time, it really hit home. The story showed America after a government ban on all religious materials and activities. A law enforcement officer who was not a believer arrived at an underground church meeting to warn his wife about a pending raid. He was caught and executed. The executioner was also about to shoot the pastor when his wife jumped in front of him and took the bullet instead. All the adults in our group looked at each other with cold chills and said - this day may not be that far off.

Jesus said it. They will hate us because of Him.

So, now more than ever, pray. Online or on your knees. Just pray. "And all the more as you see the day approaching." Hebrews 10:25

Let me know how to pray for you, as well.

Yesterday

...was an amazing day to be a member at IBC. Four decisions for Christ. Three baptisms. A bumper crop of chaps learning to study the Bible. And a whole bunch of men on fire about leading kingdom focused families. Very exciting!

Like I said in the last post, I needed to see some evidence of God's loving kindness and tender mercy. God showed up so big. Besides the blessing of precious friends who are facing challenges with so much faith, I saw a grown man break down as he shared about his life change that brought him to the place of wanting to be baptized. Then my pastor broke down as he baptized his own six year old daughter. Too precious.

By the time it was my turn to sing, I was an emotional mess - not to mention I had two cups of strong coffee and no breakfast, and was wearing very high heels, so I wasn't all that sure-footed either. Very shakey. But heartfelt, just like I wanted it to be.

God blessed me with a sweet Barnabas (son, or in this case-daughter, of encouragement) who came up after church and said, "God laid you on my heart today. Don't know why, but I prayed for you this morning." I knew why. I couldn't get the words out, because I really, REALLY hate to cry in front of people, and already had the tears in the corners of my eyes. But her prayers were answered.

Here's the update: We're not pregnant. But I did cycle again, so the medicine is working - to a degree. The doctor is supposed to call tomorrow to tell me what to do next. Progesterone test, other bloodwork, increased dosage. I don't know. But a wise friend who walked this road with his wife for 13 years before they had their son said, "Don't quit. Until God tells you to stop and that you're not supposed to conceive children, don't quit." Then Joe read Genesis 12-19 in the last two weeks of his devotions. So, I guess we're not quitting. If Abe can do it....

I do know this: If I'm not pregnant by the time we get our house built, I'm getting a puppy. Besides, nobody will call the cops on you if you stick the puppy on the back porch when it gets to crying in the middle of the night.

You can't argue that kind of logic.

I am the Walrus

Kookoo kachu.

Actually, I'm more like a weasel. Squirmy, restless, immature, egocentric. That's pretty much it. I'm glad for people who blog their trials, because I need to be reminded that I'm not the only one in the cosmos who has issues.

My friend, Dan, is cleaning his son's vomit off of the floor and walls. I didn't get the whole story, but it involves a mint Milky Way and some rambunctious horseplay.

My friend, Tara, is watching her precious daughter learn how to stand on one leg, and is awaiting their day of surgery and prosthesis fittings.

Octamom has a child overcoming a neonatal stroke, and another with hearing loss.

The Pioneer Woman has horse poop in her yard on a fairly regular basis.

And I got a negative test result today and left some tear and snot stains on my husband's tee shirt as I came out of the bathroom.

I spent most of the day trying not to dwell on the depth of my disappointment. I acknowledged it to Joe, and here to you as well. It runs deep. And it is the greatest test of faith in my life right now to accept this as God's best for me.

As I ruminated on my sadness and God's goodness, and how the two could coexist, God reminded me of the story of another discouraged woman - Naomi.

We always read Ruth's book with the younger woman as our main concern. She left her home country to follow God's orchestration of her life that would eventually lead her to Boaz, a new home and a new family, which would be just two generations removed from King David.

Today, I thought about the story from Naomi's perspective. She and her husband and sons were outrunning a famine by fleeing to Moab. But in Moab, things eventually deteriorated and the husband and both their sons died. Naomi is left, and assumes she is alone in her grief. The only family she has left are two daughters-in-law. One goes back to her family. Ruth stick around. "Yo' peeps is my peeps."

Naomi, in a distressed state, says "Don't call me Naomi ("pleasant") any longer. Instead call me Mara ("bitter")."

I have thought about taking that and fleshing out a book idea titled, "Call Me Mara", because everytime I have faced the same kind of lonely disappointment, bitterness has been part of my response. Sounds like a real feel-good read, doesn't it?

The thing with Naomi that I needed to be reminded of today was that God was still in control of her circumstances. The temporary disappointment with the loss of family and the famine was a catalyst to move her back to her homeland. God gave her a good companion to ease the loneliness - Ruth. And Ruth was a major part of Naomi's healing. By the end of the book, Ruth's union with Boaz and the birth of little baby Obed were signs to Naomi of God's presence with her all along.

It's one of those "Hindsight's 20/20" kind of stories. I know I'm living in one of those right now. And tomorrow I've got to stand in front of the church and sing this beautiful song about all the wonderful things that God has done for me, and his loving kindness and tender mercy. I told him as I warmed up and sang through it today that I don't want to feel like I'm being fake when I sing it tomorrow. I needed a reminder of those kindnesses and mercies, even if they're in someone else's life. Then I read some blogs.

Tara, I don't know if you read this blog, but I read yours. I am praying for you and your precious family. I see God's kindness and mercy in you as you respond to the trials that he has entrusted you with. I pray your faith will remain strong, and Hannah will continue to grow strong as she learns how to use her new leg. I'm so thankful for your gracious little boy who sings songs of your great underwear coordinating skills.

Find out more about Tara's story at www.yourfame.blogspot.com and see how you can pray for them. Thanks for praying for me. We're not really sure where to go from here. This was try number 3. I have to return to the doctor for a visit to see if he wants to increase dosages, do some kind of surgery, or decide if this was just to finally close the conception door so I can go into the adoption option without any second thoughts.

God is in control.