Today, I spent about an hour waiting to have bloodwork drawn at my OB-GYN's. I've had a reoccurring fever for about five days. Nothing severe. Just some neck ache and a few chills whenever it got above 99.5 or so, which wasn't often. That's not what sent me to the doctor, though.
The fever virus, as it is being called, is making the rounds. For me, it was just bad timing. The fever, along with a little bit of nausea and the soreness was hitting me about the same time as I was supposed to find out whether I was pregnant this month or not. And everything going on felt like some kind of symptom, because there are so many variations associated with pregnancy. It's totally confusing and frustrating.
So I took the day off from school to go to the doctor. They drew blood for a pregnancy test, and if negative, I would start another cycle of clomid. If positive, well, there you go.
In the week prior (see "Narrow Road"), I had a lot of soul-searching and reprioritizing that went on. Most of our conversations were about me totally submitting to God's will and not questioning His timing. Sunday morning, before I got up to take a home PT, I prayed in the bed that God would give me the appropriate response to whatever the results were, and to not put my desire for a child above my desire to worship Him that morning. Because it's hard to get motivated for worship as you find out your prayers for another month have gone unanswered.
But this month was different.
No, I'm not pregnant. BUT - without going into the gory details - the clomid did it's job. I could have gotten pregnant this month. You can thank Gustav and Ike for it not happening. Timing was not our friend, with all the extra activity and guests around.
Then again, God's timing is perfect. Joe wants to go to Honduras in June for a missions trip. The baby would have come right at that time, and I really think God wants him to go. And I'm sure there are other reasons I'm not even aware of (you think?) that God has waited for another month to go by.
But now we know the clomid can work. And it won't work outside of God's sovereign and omnipotent hand, which makes me feel better about the whole question of whether we're trying to do God's job for Him.
So, tomorrow, Tuesday October 7, we start the third clomid treatment. And I start it with great hope and expectation - more than I've had before. Not because I think the clomid is so great or powerful, but because I am so sure of God's greatness.
The times and days are in His hands.