You need a day like this every once in a while.
Today is casual day. I get to wear jeans and a tee shirt to school. I was gearing up for sweatpants, but they were all dirty. I've got the heater in my classroom set on "cozy". And I don't have a class for 20 minutes. I haven't had a class all morning. Fridays make up for the tightly wound schedule I keep the rest of the week.
So I have spent the morning going over our future houseplan with a fine tooth comb, trying to weed out unnecessary square footage, asking questions like - do I really need a separate dining area and eat-in kitchen? I've read up on some of the blogs I follow. I have mourned my own lack of creativity as I get a good glimpse at theirs. And now I write this, trying to stir up some more creative passion in the little time I've got left before my day actually starts.
I tried to write some poetry yesterday. When you have to TRY, it's usually not any good. The same was true of my poetry days in literature classes at Ole Miss. I had to wait until the last minute, throw myself in front of my old computer, and let it flow. Songwriting happens the same way.
I've been wanting to write a new song for a while now. The well has been pretty dry for months. Words wouldn't be a problem if I could just come up with an original tune. Everything I sit down and play sounds alike, and sounds like I ripped it off from Chris Rice's "Untitled Hymn". I like soft, lullaby ballads, and lyrics about needing to be near God. At least once a day for the past two weeks, I sing through Nicole Nordman's song "Small Enough".
Dennis Jernigan calls himself a song-receiver, rather than a song-writer. I get that. I feel the same way. The times when it is really inspired, it's like I'm hearing the whole song at once, music, lyrics, even orchestration and harmony. I've really been trying to cultivate a listening heart lately, and one of the things I hope to get out of this, besides intimacy with God, is new music. I've got a serious bug up my bum about recording again. When we were going down the adoption path the first time, I saw it as a means of generating some of the funds we'd need for the fees. But then everything kinda got suspended as we wait to see if the conception route might work.
I'm not really sure where I was going with the post today. Don't really have any kind of response or reaction or assistance that I want from the reader. It was just on my mind. Kinda like my poetry, sometimes I just sit down and let it flow.
So anyways, you can be praying for us. We'll be testing this weekend. I'm not really feeling any symptoms. The canker sores from hades peaked my curiosity, but since they've gone, I haven't had any of the expected soreness or sickness. So, I'm preparing myself for a gentle let-down, trying to convince myself that I'm really going to be okay and not lose it, and not shut off communication with God for a couple of weeks if the answer is negative. Pray for all that stuff. I'd appreciate it. And pray for music. I don't know if that's a worthy prayer request or not, but I have stuff I want to say, and I want it to be beautiful and unique and a blessing.
Have a good weekend.